David Mitchell Lowther
William Henry Lowther III
July 1, 1949 -- December 28, 1997
July l, 1949 -- June 13, 1998
Where to begin...... My name is Debbie. I live in North Conway, N.H. This is
dedicated to my brothers, identical twins, Billy and David. May they rest in PEACE.
On Nov. 5th 1997, I was at work and received a phone call from my
sister-in-law, Anna (my brother Billy's wife). She told me that my brother David was in
the hospital with lung cancer. She gave me the phone number and I called David and he told
me that he had 3 spots on his lung. I told him that Billy and I were on our way. (We live
4 hours away). What a long drive. We were so scared. All I could think was no way--not
David, he's only 49--not cancer. Billy and he are identical twins, so it was even harder on him. We stayed
with David for a few days and planned to go back as soon as we could. It was so hard
seeing my brother just laying in a hospital bed, he was so scared. Doctors weren't saying
much, they called in specialists, etc., had to run more tests. we went back on Sunday the
9th. David looked awful. We were also scared. He was in a lot of pain. On Tues., I was
present when the Doctor told us he has lung cancer, he was in stage 4 there was no hope. I
was in shock. No---not David....he can't die he's only 49....not my brother. Parents are
supposed to die first(my parents are still living). We all prepare ourselves for a death
of a parent, but a sibling OK-so what do we do? We want to take care of him, help him,
love him, take his pain away. Billy took care of him until the end.
I was back and forth as much as I could to help. My parents came up from Florida to see him.
David came home from the hospital for awhile, but had to go back, because the cancer had
gone to his brain. I was with him that day. This was not my brother one minute he made no
sense at all and the next, he would talk about us growing up. I walked him to the car
kissed him and told him I loved him and he kissed me on the cheek and said I love you,
too. That's the last time I saw him. Once again, I had to get home. Billy stayed, took
care of his apartment and even went to work for David every day. The day after Christmas
David went home, he so wanted to die at home. On Sunday morning, around 8.30 am, he died
in Billy's arms..Ok, so a few days later we bury him and then we try to go on with our
lives. It's not easy. Billy can't handle it. The bond between indenticle twins is
incredible. Billy felt part of him had died. We walk around numb and cold and empty, but
we function as best we can. I make some positive changes in my life. Career change, move
to a bigger apartment, have a complete physical. I get real healthy, lose 40 lbs., quit
drinking, eat real healthy, but still miss David so much. Each day gets a bit easier.
Billy, on the other hand, can't seem to move on. He works all week and rock climbs all
weekend and works in his yard (he's a landscaper, as was David). He's got the prettiest
yard in North Conway. I start feeling guilty because my pain is easing. But, I know that
Billy has to deal with it in his own way.
June 4th 1998, Anna calls me and tells me that Billy took a fall and was in Beth Israel
hospital in Boston. She and her daughter leave right away. I follow with my husband a few
hours later. Another long drive. We were told he had trauma to the brain and some
bleeding. I can't do this--not Billy. They say he fell out of a tree--how can this
happen.. he can climb any cliff in the world. We get there, he's in ICU, unconscious. That
was a Thursday, he never woke up. He died 10 days later. I never left. Anna and l stayed
the whole time. We slept wherever we could lay our head, took turns getting food, took
turns calling family and sat with Billy whenever we could. Each day I thought I would go
home, but I couldn't leave him. Not Billy.. .1 can't go through this again I'm still
grieving for David. On Thursday June 11th, 6 am, I walked into his room and knew he was
dying. We called everyone. My parents came from Florida, my husband came, Billy's children,
Anna's brother from Arizona. We leaned on each other. We were told Billy was totally
healthy, he had a strong heart, his lungs and liver were fine, but there was too much
trauma to the brain. All medication had to be gone from his system for him to be declared
brain dead. We stayed 1 more night. ...I think I slept 1 hour if that. On Friday, we all
said our good-byes and came back to North Conway. Billy died at noon Saturday June 13th.
It rained so heavy that day and for the next 5 days. Billy was watering his gardens' So
here we go again--we walk around numb. We bury him on Tuesday. I picked out a nice plot
that looks over at the ledge he used to climb. So here I am, a year after David's death
and 6 months after Billy's. I'm still skinny, still sober and still healthy but, oh so
cold and numb and empty. It has changed my lif~ forever. My only comfort is knowing they
are together again. I figure they were in some kind of limbo and if they couldn't be
together here, then it had to be there.
GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, THE COURAGE TO CHANGE
THE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.